acceptance

not pregnant. not that i thought i was, but AF showed up last night and cofirmed it. the last few days have brought several surprises, and that wasn’t one of them. tuesday, i had a pretty good interview for a freelance web design position. then went to my current job where i met with my boss and we agreed that i wasn’t happy there nor was i doing a particularly good job as a manager, so he agreed to transition me out. next day, call back for the first job, second interview. went ok. went home ate pizza, went to bed. woke up violently that night as the pizza found every possible exit route from my body. in bed, two days. today, feeling much better, b and me took several friends out on the boat for some july 4th fun on the connecticut river. several little kids in the bunch of us.  great day. i am feeling much more relaxed about the entire process knowing that it is truly out of my hands. i enjoy my friends children more. i have more patience and understanding for them and their parents. i put more effort into understanding why their parents do what they do. i sympathize with them knowing that they worry so much about their children. until we make the decision to go to the office and start review donor files, i have no say in what happens to us regarding growing our family, or any thing else in our lives for that matter. and with letting go, i can start to enjoy the now.

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