it’s kind of like jury selection

this afternoon i went to the center to have a trial transfer, sonogram and to look at donor files. (a sonogram is when they insert a balloon in your uterus, fill it with water and then do an ultrasound to check the wall of the uterus for any polyps or issues that would prevent the embryos from implanting. a trial transfer is when they measure the back of the uterus so the dr doesn’t “bounce the embroys” when he inserts them.)  i passed, thankfully, and benediva sees no potential issues at this point. good news.

we got on the donor list on december 16th last year and were told the wait was 6 months to a year. our name came up fairly quickly, in just 5 months. i wasn’t ready just yet although i have been thinking a lot about it.  a few months later, i called and made an appt to start down this path. i have been imagining what it would be like when we actually got to this step in the process, when they called us in to look at potential donors. i imagined that i would go in to the little room with the donor files,  sift through the files until the room went dark and a bright white spotlight would shine down on the table onto a file and i would be convinced that the universe had created a perfect match. mama + egg = babytown. they had 6 potential donors available to review, which is a lot, usually they only have a few to show at a time. i only had a half hour to look through them before my appt with my doctor, so i ended up with no real decisions and no clear idea or memory of each of the women. i felt like i was cramming for an exam, trying to stuff my mind with as many facts as i could about these women so i could later think more deeply about it.  all i can remember now is bits and pieces of hair color and piercings and hobbies and what their maternal grandmother died of and i’m not even sure if i am matching them to the correct owners.  i do know that at least 2 of them are maybes and 2 of them are nos. i was telling bri about one of the women that i didn’t think was a good match:

me: she’s too german. like all german.
him: what, like it’s gonna come out swinging a beer stein?

touche. but i was thinking someone more like us, someone irish/italian-ish like me and spanish/irish-ish like him. We are going together on Friday to look again at the files. There was a italian/Venezuelan donor that i keep thinking about.

i am going back on friday with brian to see what he thinks. If we agree, which we mostly do, this could happen by the end of the summer. i’ll have to take up nail biting or something to deal with the anxiety, since riesling won’t be an option.

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