forward…

thursday morning we signed the consent forms for our donor. the kinds of questions they have on those things are ones that you never imagine answering. If i die, who gets the embryos? If he dies? If we BOTH die? If we get divorced?  We decided that we (someone) will keep them if we are alive, and if we both die they will be destroyed. I don’t think it’s fair to put that type of decision on somebody else and they aren’t allowing the embryos to be donated at the present time.

because this is finally happening (i got all my drugs yesterday and started birth control so we can sync up our cycles) i have been thinking about what this all means (in ordinary terms). I will be having my husbands baby.  I will be a foster parent, but the child will have grown in my uterus. My hairdresser put it this way, ” it’s like brian had a baby with another woman, and then you met him and adopted this child. except there is no other woman and it your body will be an essential part of creating this life.” This is true. It sounds overly complicated, but it need to be examined because it isn’t the same as if we just slept together and had a baby.  I am thinking more about how we are going to tell people. I do not what there to be any secrets regarding this but also am conflicted that it really is none of peoples business.  I don’t feel I need to hear all the details on how friends of ours conceived their children. Brian says that if it feels right and i want to share it, then i should. but i shouldn’t force it just to get it out there. someone at the grocery store doesn’t need to know, and you will get better at making those types of decisions as they come up. I told him that’s what my therapist said and he said he could have saved us 200$.

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One response to “forward…

  1. I’m on the same path….. I got a little delayed with a uterine polyp but that has been removed. Retrieval is next week and they’ll have to be frozen until my uterus is back on line. We’ve decided not to tell anyone that about the donor egg part. There is plenty of time later and when a beautiful baby is here, from my (or your) belly, no one will ask, or care. I don’t intend to lie to the child, so down the road somewhere….. I’ve talked with the therapist too and she has experience with biological children and adopted children of her own. She claims (and I believe) that none of it matters when the baby is in your arms. I struggle more with “the other woman” crap. I chose the donor independently from my husband because it started getting creepy — does he think she’s prettier, smarter… We all know she’s insanely younger. Would he have chosen her if we’d known I was all out of eggs…. I’m also struggling because I have two beautiful daughters from a previous marriage. I was content and done. I found this amazing man and he wanted the experience of having a baby and raising a child from the start too. I’m thrilled to have a child with someone that really loves me but I’m afraid that I’ll let him down, that I’ve already let him down. I’ve babbled way too much. Please do what is right for you and Brian. Don’t listen to anyone who says “you should…..”

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