stillness

it’s been about 2 weeks since the donor nurse told me she was going to “call me with the plan”. I started BCP and almost immediately felt sad and bloated and i seem to be gaining a few pounds. can’t tell if it’s the pills, or how horrible i’ve been eating. we’ll blame the drugs although on sunday i ate an entire plate of mei fun without even looking up. mei yum.

it seems that i can’t move forward without the inevitable echo of stillness.  it’s like moving through honey. at first, you get up some momentum but then you slow down and slow down until you are still. on the surface, i am not moving. but inside, i am silently, subtley moving. softening. opening. reminding myself that i need time to process all of this and the pace is exactly how it needs to happen, it’s part of the bigger picture. i am working on having faith in the process.

i’ve heard that when you pray to have more patience, the universe presents you with opportunities to work on it. i am working on it.

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