as i was walking to my car this afternoon after work, up main street and across pratt, a little girl in a plaid skirt stopped me and asked me, “what is your definition of love?”.. i paused for a moment, and realized that i didn’t have one. later, when teaching yoga, i brought up this topic to my students to meditate on. a few things have come to me since then, putting someone else’s needs ahead of your own, pure selflessness, caring for someone or something…

i got my protocol today for my donor cycle. brian came with me and took notes. i tried my hardest to absorb all the information she was rattling off.  i am trying to manage my expectations. i was reading on some sweet woman’s blog that during the 11 days after your transfer and before your pregnancy test, you should never once think you are pregnant. progesterone mimics the side effects of pregnancy. her advice was to just pretend you aren’t pregnant, and if you are, it’s a wonderful little surprise. I haven’t figured out my strategy for this yet, but i have decided to just take it day by day. inch by inch, life’s a cinch, yard by yard, pretty hard. there may be many ups and downs before we even get to the transfer, so i have to be able to just manage each bit of information, each emotion. i am focusing on staying in the present, not living in the future.

i read a very beautiful quote the other day that i have written on a post it and hung it on my desk, next to my monitor, right below my van gogh magnet and my grass green planter with the pothos fiercely rooting in water..
sometimes courage does not roar.. sometimes it says very quietly.. at the end of the day… tomorrow i will try again.


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