tonight my donor takes the trigger shot, getting her eggs all sorts of ready for retrival, which will be on friday. monday is my transfer. after i will be home resting and will return to work on wednesday. i imagine she is ready to be done with this, to move on with her life with some extra money. i wonder if she’ll do it again. i get the feeling she won’t look back after this experience.. she didn’t write a note to our maybe baby like some of the other donors we looked at. our second choice donor wrote a beautiful letter, “i hope you know how much your parents love you… i hope you always follow your dreams… i feel blessed with the opportunity to make your life a possibility.” maybe it’s better that i don’t have a voice to give my donor, i picture her like a girl that i saw at the mall or in my sociology class in college.. just kind of there, in my periphery, never making an impression, good or bad, just moving around me as my life moves forward.
i am feeling anxious, there are a lot of instructions for the next few days, what drugs to take, what drugs to stop, starting the progesterone which brian has to give me daily in my butt cheek. my family and close friends are being super supportive and i am thankful for that. my mom calls me at work on her way home from work to check in and tell me she loves me. most days i have to call her back because i work on an open floor and everyone can hear my conversation. i try to talk in code, but she doesn’t understand the code, and i have to call her back to explain it to her. i have only told a handful of very close friends that we found a donor we are going to move forward with, and of that group only a few know that it is happening in the near future, and of that group no one knows it is happening monday.