monday the donor nurse calls to tell me that my numbers did not double the way they are supposed to. i was prepared for it, and just relieved that i can get some closure. i had to teach yoga right after i got the news, and surprisingly i was able to relax and be present and create an experience for my students that was completely outside of my life and my experience.  i called brian to tell him on the way home and as usual, he was there to pick me up. he always knows the right things to say and when to just listen.  this is the ultimate lesson in having patience, he says.

monday night, i fell asleep on the couch watching tv.  i woke up groggy and started to climb the stairs to bed. when i got to the top, everything went black and next thing i knew i was collasped on the floor with my cranberry juice all over the place. brian came running up and helped me up. as i walked into our room, i went down again. i could faintly hear brian calling me, but i couldn’t see him. eventually, i got to my bed. “what happened?” i asked. “you passed out” he tells me. twice.

i went to the center today to get blood work done to make sure my numbers were coming down, i stopped all my meds on monday and am waiting to miscarry. my hcg is still going up (but in very small increments, although it should be going down). i told the nurse how i had fainted, and how i have been feeling achy and having chest pains.  they brought me back in for an ultrasound (which they couldn’t see anything and were pretty sure they weren’t going to) so we have very little information. it’s possible it’s ectopic.. the embryos could have floated into a tube.. i have to get blood redrawn on friday to see if the hcg has started to drop. i am ready to move on past this experience, but somehow, i am still in it.


One response to “next

  1. I’m so sorry that this is going this way for you. It’s just not fair at all. I hope that it comes to resolution sooner than later though. Take care of yourself, and keep doing what you are doing. Teaching yoga, finding your centre, and leaning on your hubby when you need to.

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