resolve

this pregnancy is resolving, my hcg is coming down and i started bleeding pretty bad a few nights ago.  i am getting back to my life. i am thankful that it isn’t ectopic and as it looks now it won’t require any further treatment.

lately i have been thinking about the importance of having a child and the weight that carries in my life. at the center, they are trying to get you pregnant. everything revolves around getting you pregnant, and it should, because that is why you are there, why you are paying thousands and thousands of dollars, why you doing exactly what they tell you to do. everything is going to be great when you have a baby. because you want to have a baby. but what they don’t tell you, what you can’t even fathom, is that you might not have a baby. and there is no one there to tell you that, you will be ok. everything is going to be great if you have a baby and great if you don’t have a baby. i feel that i have rounded a corner in therapy. i am starting to feel that all is well in the world and that i can start to loosen my grip on the handle bars of this ride and just go for the ride, because as brian has pointed out to me, i am not steering and no matter how tightly i hold on, it doesn’t effect the outcome. i will be great even if i don’t have a baby.

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