5 days to go

one week down in our 2ww. which is actually only an 11 day wait. and which is surprisingly going well. i like this little lull in the activities, not having to drive in the early morning to the center, not counting the days until my next transfer. at this moment, i am hopeful and i am content right here. i don’t have to deal with any gut wrenching feelings like i will on this coming friday. if it’s a BFP, i am sure we will be so excited, but also it will bring its own plethora of emotion and uncertainty. if it’s BFN, well, no need to explain that.

tonight we made thai chicken and fresh brussels sprouts and are currently lounging in our jammies watching House, each of us with a macbook on our laps. house is so not my favorite show, every episode is almost exactly the same, but bri watched a lifetime movie with me last night, which wow.

a part of me somehow forgot what we did. i can’t let myself believe that this might actually work, so in the midst of these last few days, when i am distracted, focused on something like work or chatting up my girlfriends, or snuggled deep in our fleece sheets, i forget. my therapist would probably say it’s a defense mechanism, or it’s my way of normalizing a situation that is anything but normal.  i like to think i am just living in the in between.


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