7 weeks

vacation is winding down and i am 7 weeks today.  we’ve been gone a long time. i miss my bed and my kitchen and my things and my toothpaste. today i slept pretty late, wasn’t feeling much like breakfast but read for a while in the yard in a big Adirondack chair overlooking the lake. I had grilled cheese for lunch and then we took an afternoon boat ride with my whole family and brians parents out in the sunshine. i am grateful for a day like today. i am getting ready to head home, it’s been the longest time i’ve been away from home in a while. i am thankful for the distraction. we have a doctor’s appointment on monday, first time to see the heartbeat and do the measurements. this trip has been a great distraction, i can’t imagine being trapped at my desk for the past two weeks, worrying that everything was going horribly wrong inside, that nothing was growing, that i’d have to endure yet another defeating loss. This week has been good for perspective. It’s easy to be positive when everything is so beautiful, so warm, such an escape from the monotony of everyday life. The linens are fresh and smell like mountain air, the garden outside provides all our veggies for each meal, it’s magical. My therapist asked me how brian was reacting to our recent success and i told her, “he’s doing great, he’s excited, but not too excited just yet. he seems to feel great where we are right now, but knows that there are other tries, other times, if this doesn’t work out, there are other tries.” I told her that for me, it has to be “this time”. I don’t know how many tries and times i could do this. She told me that we are on the path to our goal, that it doesn’t have to be “this time”… that we are moving forward with our journey and we will deal with whatever happens. It would be beyond wonderful if it was “this time”.

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