9 weeks

things are going very well. tomorrow, i will be 9 weeks and i am feeling pretty great. the last few days i have been feeling more of a glaze over my body, more flu-ish, more indigestion, more bloating, more headaches. but i don’t mind. i haven’t been very nauseous and my fatigue is totally manageable, so i am doing very well.  i have been getting dinner from whole foods most nights and getting in my jammies and on the couch early, so all the rest is helping my mood. my time at the office is blah, i have been getting extremely annoyed having to sit at a desk all day, but i’ve been doing it for 10 years, so i don’t know why it’s bothering me now. i do notice a shift in my perspective from when i am at the office and when i am not. i think it has to do with the feeling of being trapped, being overwhelmed doing a job that i can’t stand, that doesn’t serve anyone, that just makes money for an already greedy and filthy rich insurance company. while i am at work i start to think how devastating it would be should i lose this pregnancy. like, i have no idea how i would go on, how i would come back to that office, sit at my desk, day after day with the emptiness inside. when i am outside of work, at home, walking in the woods, cooking,  knitting or doing yoga, i start to think that yes, it would be devastating, but i would move on, it would be okay, people get through things that are much much worse. I would be okay. sad and frustrated, yes, but i would get through it.

don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to be pregnant, loving every minute of it. i guess that was just a realization about perspective and how negative i get when i sit at my desk, and how it is so not the right place for me.

next week i am taking a 4 week workshop at the graduate institute, called “finding your right work.” I hope I can. i hope I do! I know being a designer has been fun and creative and engaging at certain firms i have worked at in the past, but i have always missed the fulfillment you get with you serve others and connect with people on a very meaningful level. that is what got me to yoga instruction, and i love teaching, but even teaching full time plus won’t pay my mortgage. so.

next week i have my first appointment with my gyn/ob, so that is very exciting. i called today to find out what goes on at that appointment and the receptionist told me we can talk about the pregnancy and get to listen to the baby’s heart. no ultrasound. I am disappointed to learn that they don’t do one until 20 weeks! They don’t even have an ultrasound machine at that office! At the fertility center, i was getting ultrasounds all day long! every single visit, check the ovaries, check the lining, check this cyst, check your tonsils! and now that there is actually a baby in there, no one is going to let me look at it!  i do want to have a down’s screening at 11 weeks so i guess they will get me in for an ultrasound then.

we still haven’t told brian’s family, i think we are waiting until next week, until get more information that things are going well. it’s going to be fun to tell them, they live 8 hours north of us, but we sometimes skype, so we will get to see their faces when we tell them the news. it will be their 8th grandchild, but i have no doubt that they will be over the moon for us.

i am grateful everyday for this experience, and i send peace and light and positivity and hope to all those couples out there that are on the journey to conceive. hugs to you all.