10 weeks 5 days

am feeling beyond blessed right now. My cup is running over. I heard junior mint’s heartbeat last week, and it was chug-chug-chuggin like the tiny caboose of the 1940’s train set brian played with as a kid and we put together every christmas to circle the base of our tree. The doctor said he could hear two distinct beats, one was the baby.. and the other I thought he was going to say mine, since it was pounding so hard, slamming around in my ribcage, but the other beat was the pulse of my pelvis. The 10 week visit went very well. I am elated. Most of the things we went over i already knew, since i have been preparing for these days for the last 3 years. He did say that due to the length of my torso, on my 5’10 frame, i probably won’t show until the 5th or 6th month. How fun. Lots of room for the baby to hide. I could keep this a secret for a long time if i wanted to.

I love having this secret. For the whole time we were doing fertility treatments, i felt i was very much a topic of conversation, poor them, they say when we aren’t around. poor them. my friends would ask what was going on, trying to be supportive, and i felt obligated to tell them. and lately, no one has really asked, and i have been very happy to not say. who knows how long we will wait. we are going to tell brians family in the next few days, and i am going to savor that. i have been waiting for these moments for years and years, and nobody is going to rush me through it.

after our appointment, we left separately, i was heading across the state to my workshop on “finding your right work” and bri was heading to a friends to help set up some technology related stuff. i called him from the car, “Did you hear it?? Did you?”
I just wanted to keep talking about it. I can’t believe it is finally happening for us. This is happening, i keep reminding myself. This is happening.

Peace and light and strength and hope and faith that the light is coming to all those reading this.

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